Ron Weasley's Proof to Why Muggles Are Wicked
by faint blue
Summary: Ron has his first, real conversation with a Muggle, and ponders on how wicked they really are. (Warning: Strong language)


**Ron Weasley's Proof to Why Muggles Are Wicked**

"Hello," the Muggle girl had said.

 _Hullo._

"My name's Sophie Walker,"

 _Well, my name is fucking Noodle Wok Swimmer. Who the ruddy hell names their child Sophie Walker? Sophie, So phie, So Pie? So Pie Walker? If you didn't notice, your child is a_ child _, not a dish._

 _And why would your kid be named Walker? What else does your little girl do, huh? Does she maybe fly to school? Or does she use the huge car Hermione called a bus?_

 _What about naming your kid So Pie Busser instead? I might as well be named Noodle Wok Swimmer, because Muggle names are ridiculous._

"I like to play football…"

Firstly _, my dear little Muggle, what the hell is_ football _? The name doesn't make sense (a ball made out of feet? A crossing between a foot and a ball? What is it trying so hard to explain to me? I don't get it. It's like me making up a sport and naming it handball because you hit it with your hands! Preposterous!)_

 _Secondly, why does people sit in front of their V.T.s and watch a couple of sweaty men run around a field of grass, climbing over each other just to brush against the surface of a ball? And for hours at a time!_

 _At least Quidditch gives you a little excitement._

"…and I enjoy drinking coffee. Do you like coffee?"

 _Coffee… coffee, coffee, coffee._

 _Why are Muggles so fond of coffee? Ever heard of Butterbeer…anyone?_

 _Despite coffee's hideous, bitter taste, Muggles even pay for a cup of old, dusty water mixed with crushed beans that smell like the rear end of a Snorcacks._

"My favourite animal is a dog,"

 _A…dog? I know dogs are sweet and all, but why do you choose a dog, when there are thousands of thousands of Hippogriffs, gigantic spiders, werewolves and shapeshifters out there? How can your entire, stupid Muggle population be so blind that you don't see a creature like that, when they're everywhere?_

"I usually listen to Rihanna and Coldplay,"

 _And there you go again with all the strange names._

 _Rihanna…why wouldn't you just use a_ real _name, like Hanna? And Coldplay? You've gotta be kidding with me! I can imagine that guy, or girl or whatever that thing is, had a cold, and then started to play music. Then he/she/it exclaimed loudly,_ 'I've found the perfect name, Coldplay!'

 _If I had a dog (that creature is disgusting, by the way. It poops everywhere, and the Muggles even have to pick it up after them!) and the dog's name was Kira, I'd shake my head, then exclaim '_ I've found the perfect name, Shakira!'

 _Stupid Muggles._

"My favourite books are Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings,"

 _Hmm. A book named after my best friend, and a Muggle book nonetheless. That's actually quite interesting. 12 points to one, to the Wizarding World, then._

 _And what the bloody hell is_ The Lord of the Rings? _Someone royal playing matchmaker?_

"I love to sit inside and watch it rain outside,"

 _Are you off your rocker, So Pie Busser? The rain just makes all the dirt turn to porridge beneath your feet. In addition, those annoying gnomes multiply when it rains! Do you know how exhausting it is, removing them from our garden,_ each time it rains _?!_

"When I grow up, I want to be an astronaut,"

 _I…I'm not even going to ask._

"Once, my little brother gave me a teddy bear for my birthday. Isn't that cute?"

 _Your little brother gave you a bear? A_ bear? _You have to be kidding with me. Muggles are so stupid, I don't even know why they still exist. Although the tellyphone wasn't such a bad idea, I'm still convinced they're all off their rockers._

"I have to go now. It was nice meeting you,"

… _FINALLY!_

"I'll need to hurry up for my dental appointment! Goodbye!"

 _Dental? Wasn't Hermione's parents dentals? Or was it dentils? Now I remember, they_ were _dentils. But one thing is certain, for you reading this, Muggles are WICKED! Do keep your distance!_


End file.
